Episode #98

/The "Altar de deseos" mental hospital... The animal sadist section... Bixiero Lopez, the condemned furry animal killer, remembers something that happened in the past, when he talked to Baklavaldo.../
Baklavaldo: Frogs are unfitting...
/Unfitting... That word went through his mind every day... Bixiero has sworn to revenge to Baklavaldo for this as soon as possible... He didn't know why, as he doesn't even like frogs, but that's not the point. The point is that he needs to revenge upon someone. He is currently imprisoned in an asylum, and has no idea how to escape from it. Suddenly, the door bashes open and a shaded figure enters the room with some more people./
Fortressfano: Bixiero Lopez?
Bixiero: You... How do you know my name?
Fortressfano: I've heard of your capabilities before... I need you for a horrible but ingenious masterplan I've just come up with.
Bixiero: What do I get from it?
Fortressfano: Well, first of all, you'll be out of this place. I happen to know you've had enough of living in a room which has both the bed and the toilet seat in it... Second, I offer revenge upon your arch-enemy...
/Spooky music/
Bixiero: Baklavaldo?
/Fortressfano nods/
Fortressfano: So, can I count on you?
Bixiero: I need to kill someone... And I'm fresh out of bunnies.
Fortressfano: Ok, that's a bit weird, but I'll take it as a 'yes'.

/Second scene, the Moderatorez Villa. Angelito is sitting in the living room and listening to a record of Addicto & the Dynamites, the famous Latin music group. Suddenly, the phone rings/
Angelito: Yes?
Count de la Vlaada: De la Vlaada here. A psychopath managed to escape the asylum.
Angelito: So?
Count de la Vlaada: What do you mean 'so'? The last time a psycopath escaped the asylum he managed to become the president of the Untied States...
Angelito: True... So how did this guy run away?
Count de la Vlaada: He had help from the outside... We suspect Fotressfano.
Angelito: Ok, I'll look into it...
/After saying that, he hangs up/
Angelito: Pandorella?
Pandorella: What is it?
Angelito: Would you mind going to Fortressfano's house and seeing if there's a dangerous psychopath hiding there?
Pandorella: Why can't you go yourself?
Angelito: Well I have this senseless phobia about dangerous psychopaths... It's ridiculous, I know, but I can't help it.
Pandorella: Oh alright, you big baby...
/Another scene. Fortressfano's villa... Fortressfano is sitting in his office and waiting. Suddenly his secretary comes in/
Secretary: Excuse me, senor, but there's someone who needs to see you. One of the-
Fortressfano: ...Moderatorez. I know. Send her in.
/Pandorella entered the room. Fortressfano put a smile on his face/
Fortressfano: Ah, dona Pandorella! It is so nice to see you...
Pandorella: Hi... Did you hear the news?
Fortressfano: About that guy who escaped the "Altar de deseos"?
Pandorella: Yeah... How did you know?
Fortressfano: Because I helped him!
/Extremely intense music/
Pandorella: Why am I not surprised... Ok, look, bring him back so that we can continue with our lives as usual.
Fortressfano: I'm afraid it won't be that simple, my dear...
/Bixiero enters the room/
Fortressfano: You see, you are now our prisoner! Muahahahahaha...

/Fancy fade out effect, a two-second pause, and yet another scene:
The town hall meeting room, one of those pointlessly long tables in the middle of it and our heroes sitting around it/
Vokialisso: So what's the problem?
Angelito: The problem is that we got this note...
/Angelito takes out a letter from his jacket and reads its contents out loud/
Angelito: "We have Pandorella. If you ever want to see her again you must deliver us Knighto Dougalitto and preferrably Baklavaldo and give me the modship status. Ha ha ha ha ha. Do not try anything stupid and blablabla. Yours truly, lord Fortressfano de la Vega."
/Disturbing silence/
Count de la Vlaada: Alright, we've got to think up a plan.
Teddos: Or we could just comply with their demands... I mean, we do want Pandorella back, right?
Vokialisso: We can't do it... God only knows what horrors would happen if we give Fortressfano the modship status...
/More disturbing silence/
Alcibiadez: Wait, I have an idea! Alright, so...
/The screen fades out of course. You didn't expect I'd let you see all the details now, did you?
Anyway, next scene (there's actually two scenes going on at the same time, I'll divide parts with different scenes with * signs)
First scene: Town Hall, Fortressfano's modship-receiving ceremony. Second scene: Fortressfano's villa somewhere in the plantages.../
Fortressfano (entering through the large Town Hall door with his servants): Ah, it is so nice to see you all here... Now, I just need to check something.
/He pulls out his cellphone and calls Bixiero/
Fortressfano: Hm... There seems to be a transimission problem...
Fortressfano (putting the cellphone back in his jacket): I sure hope you'll stick to the deal, gentlemen, and deliver KD and Baklavaldo to my villa in time... I'd check with Bixiero if they arrived but the lines are obviously out...
Alcibiadez (with a hint of a smile): How unfortunate...
Vokialisso: Don't worry, they're on their way... Nicely packed for you...
Fortressfano: I sure hope so. Well, are you going to make me into a mod or not?
***
The car stopped in front of Fortressfano's villa. Knighto Dougalitto, Baklavaldo and Lith Maethorson got out of the car.
Knighto Dougalitto: So are we gnoing to gte any waposn?
Baklavaldo: Are you sure their contact line is sabotaged?
Lith: Don't worry. Teddos just called me to inform me he succeeded in breaking their contact. Fortressfano will remain blissfully unaware of everything that happens here... About the weapons, follow me.
/Lith opens the trunk and takes out an AK-47, a Tommy-gun, two Desert Eagles, three katanas, three kilograms of C-4, a bazooka, a pack of hand grenades, a claymore sword and a Soviet nuclear submarine/
Baklavaldo: Omg where did you get all this?
Lith: Fell out of a truck... Knock yourself out, guys... I'm waiting for you at the drop-off point.
Knighto Dougalitto: No porlbem...
***
/Fortressfano sits on the throne/
Fortressfano: Now, the crown please...
/Angelito brings out the crown/
***
Gate guard: Halt! Who goes there?
/Knighto Dougalitto takes out the desert eagle and blows his head off/
Baklavaldo: I knew you had it in you, KD...
***
Fortressfano: Where's that crown already?
/Angelito puts the crown gently on his head. The process of making someone a member of the Moderatorez is mostly represented in putting a crown onto the chosen one's head. There is no apparent reason for this practice. That's just the way it is/
Fortressfano: YES! I FEEL IT COARSING THROUGH MY VEINS!
***
/Gunshots are heard all over the place as KD and Baklavaldo are rampaging through Fortressfano's palace, fighting thugs and getting to the office where Pandorella is kept... Some adrenaline-raising heavy metal is of course heard in the background. Finally they're up and KD bashes the door open. They find Bixiero inside, shooting little kitten./
Baklavaldo: Sup Bixiero... What are you doing here?
Bixiero: Baklavaldo... Is it really you?
Baklavaldo: I was, last time I checked. Why?
Bixiero: It is time for vengeance, Baklavaldo! It is time for vengeance!!!
Baklavaldo: Wtf?
***
Fortressfano: COWER BEFORE ME MORTALS, FOR I AM THE ULTIMATE MOD!!!
Alcibiadez: He's more powerful than I thought he'd be... But never mind, just try to keep his attention...
Angelito: No problem...
/Angelito starts chanelling mod power and sends a QP-taking bolt towards Fortressfano/
Fortressfano: YOU PUNY BEINGS! MODS DO NOT HAVE QPS! NOW FALL INTO OBLIVION!
/Fortressfano strikes Angelito and he falls down, excruciated.../
Vokialisso: This is going to be tough...
***
/Bixiero starts *****slapping Baklavaldo/
Baklavaldo (angered): KD, take Pandora out!
Knighto Dougalitto: Btu i dnot fel artacted to her...
/Baklavaldo sighs patiently/
Baklavaldo: I didn't mean take her out ON A DATE, but take her out OF THE BUILDING.
Knighto Dougalitto: Oh. Ok, i'l ste up teh exlposive too. Aernt yu gonig to gte out of hte bluiding?
Baklavaldo: Not yet... When Baklavaldo is *****slapped... Baklavaldo *****slaps back!
***
/The battle rages throughout the town hall... Alcibiadez, Vokialisso, Kookitta, count De La Vlaada and Teddos are fighting Fortressfano's followers, while Angelito, as a Moderatorez, confronts Fortressfano but is slightly outmatched.../
Kookitta (roundhouse-kicking a Fortressfano's servant): There's too many of them...
Alcibiadez: Just trust me!
Vokialisso: Perhaps she's right... We're completely outnumbered...
***
/KD and Pandorella run down the stairs while sounds of brutal *****slapping bewteen Bixiero and Baklavaldo echo around them/
Knighto Dougalitto: So, pnardorela, waht do yu tihnk of teh setelmenat?
Pandorella: Isn't there more important stuff to worry about right now, like getting out of the building?
Knighto Dougalitto: Im jsut aksing...
The explosive's countdown is showing 5 more seconds...
***
Count de la Vlaada (cornered by Fortressfano's bodyguards): Is he coming yet?!
Alcibiadez: Have patience... We've PM-d him, he'll be here...
Angelito: Can't... Hold out... Much... Longer...
Fortressfano: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED THAT YOU ATTACKED ME... THAT MEANS OUR DEAL IS OFF... ALTHOUGH IT WAS CUNNING TO SABOTAGE MY PHONE LINE SO THAT I CANNOT CONTACT BIXIERO IN CASE OF EMERGENCY... BUT TELL ME ONE THING, SINCE YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ANYWAY. WHY DIDN'T YOU ATTACK ME THE MOMENT I GOT IN HERE? I WAS WAY WEAKER THEN AND MY PHONE LINES ALSO WEREN'T WORKING.
/Pause/
Alcibiadez: Damn it, I knew we forgot to do something...
***
3...
Lith: Quick, into the car! Where's Baklavaldo?
2...
KD: He decdied to stay adn fihgt wtih bixiero...
1...
Lith: What? But the whole building is going to-
/The building explodes/
Lith: Oh crap...
/Suddenly, a figure comes out of the ruins/
Knighto Dougalitto: Blavkaldo! Yur avlie!
Baklavaldo: Yup.
Pandorella: How come you survived?
Baklavaldo: Consider the author.
Lith: I guess that makes sense...
Pandorella: You're aware your back is on fire, right?
Baklavaldo: Yeah... Wait, WHAT?!
/After a little rolling on the floor, Baklavaldo isn't on fire anymore so he safely gets into the car/
Lith: No one's on fire now? No one's missing a limb or something? Ok, now let's get back to see what the others have managed to do...
***
Fortressfano: FACE IT MORTALS... YOU ARE GOING TO FALL AND YOU'LL FALL NOW!
/Suddenly, the wind begins blowing. The center of the room raises into a magical pillar of energy and expands into a portal. Through it walks a person. Everyone falls on their knees/
Alcibiadez: Presidente! Finally!!!
Fortressfano: WHAT?! NO! CANNOT BE!
Angelito: Huan Valeriyo, about time! I think someone here deserves a ban...
Huan Valeriyo Gomes: Indeed... Fortressfano, you have gone too far now. You forget who is the true and only mage of the land. Only I can kill people around here.
Fortressfano: NO! NO! I'M SORRY! DON'T BAN ME!
Huan Valeriyo Gomes: And I shall not. But you will get a horrible punishment. You will be condemned to spend the eternity with the Bad-Mannered status and all your other fake accounts shall be destroyed.
Fortressfano (feeling his modship powers disappear and the chains of bad-mannered-ness strangling him): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
/Pandorella, Lith, KD and Baklavaldo enter the scene through the doors/
Angelito: Pandorella! You are safe!
Kookitta Stares (approaching, hugging and finally kissing Knighto Dougalitto): You're alive too, Dougalitto, my love!
/An intense, frightening pause as everyone's staring at them in disbelief. Teddos faints/
Vokialisso (finally breaking the silence): But... but... but...
Baklavaldo: This is so weird... SO weird...
Alcibiadez: Why? How? When?
Lith: Damn...
Count de la Vlaada: Uhm...
Angelito: I'm... speechless...
Pandorella: There are things in life that just cannot be explained...
Knighto Dougalitto: I treid to tel yu poeple taht kookita adn i are in lvoe but i waitd for teh rihgt momnet...
/Teddos manages to awaken from the unconsciousness/
Kookitta Stares: We're going to get married!
/Teddos faints again/
Alcibiadez: Well... Good luck then... I guess...
Baklavaldo: Yeah... Good luck...
Angelito: Good luck indeed...
/Then it started... Once the shock passed, everyone started rejoicing and looking forward to the wedding... Actually, more to free booze than to the wedding itself, but celebrating is celebrating... And they all lived happily ever after. Well, for some time at least./